


Bad Sexy Kitty-Kat

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Series: A Bag Of Bash For Passion [21]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, British Comedy, British English, British Slang, Business, Chaos, Cheating, Clubbing, Comedy, Comedy RPF, Concerts, Dating, Developing Relationship, Disasters, Drinking, Driving, Drunk Driving, Established Relationship, F/M, Fainting, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hilarious, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Music, Musicians, Religious Humor, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Humor, Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Chan is sick to death of all his boyfriends being lured away by thus one acne-covered toad he went to school with, he and his mates and members of his rock band, Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Seungcheol affectionately called The Spotted Dick. So, when he meets Jeonghan at a gig after losing yet another love and needing the attention of nurses with huge chests, Chan is determined to make it work.But Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Seungcheol are determined to interfere
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Chan | Dino, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Lee Chan | Dino, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Chan | Dino, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Lee Chan | Dino, Kim Mingyu/Lee Chan | Dino, Lee Chan | Dino/Lee Seokmin | DK, Lee Chan | Dino/Original Character(s), Lee Chan | Dino/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: A Bag Of Bash For Passion [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678627
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Bad Sexy Kitty-Kat

**Author's Note:**

> This is absolutely chaotic and absolutely British; it's chaotic, merry, rambling, unethical, sweary, religeous (not), romantic, action-packed, and, soft-focusedly sweet. I've had a wonderful time writing this. I hope you enjoy it :)

Please be naked, Chan willed. Please be naked....

Nonetheless, his boyfriend, or, not quite official boyfriend Jinwoo, came into the back rooms of the club they were playing at that weekend. All around Chan were the members of his band and mates Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Seungcheol. They were taking a quick intermission from playing their gig, and, usually, break-times were snogging oppotunities.

Until Wonwoo and Seungcheol brought up one of their newer trial songs they wanted to play, then, a full discussion was on. Chan was cheeky, trying to surreptiously coax Jinwoo into sitting on his knee, but, Jinwoo didn't tolerate his behaviour for a moment. With a lopsided grin, he sat on one of the old wooden crates by the stairs the went to the second floor, from where they were in the back rooms of the club's first floor.

"We're going to get into so much trouble if we use a song title like that." Seokmin cited reason. The song they wanted to play was - at this point in time called - "Antichrist", and, the club was owned by people Joshua somehow managed to know.

And, in that case, they definitely had to be churchy-type people.

Won't really matter, though, will it?" Seungcheol said. "We just sing the song, we don't introduce each one with title."

"There'd be someone to have a whinge." Mingyu scoffed. They all agreed. Chan glanced from the chair he was in directly over to Jinwoo's crotch. His jeans - which Chan would just tell were new - looked quite nice on him. Chan wasn't for getting them off; he knew Jinwoo wasn't in a state for that, and, honestly, Chan could last quite blissfully just occasionally having a perv and hoped he didn't get noticed TOO MUCH by any of his mates, or, for the matter, Jinwoo.

"Like that cunt from college and from high school, Spotted Dick." Chan remarked. Every groaned and started swearing. Jinwoo looked at him funny, but, Chan was still pissed off from last night. Time Jinwoo got a taste of truth anyway.

Spotted Dick was their term for the school arsehole, Richard Sy, who, actually, was the spottiest person alive, and, practically rimmed the school-teachers, the goody-two-shoes mincing piece of shit. And he was Chan's absolute arch nemesis. He always tried to steal Chan's boyfriends, who never seemed to be able to tell that he was a prick. And, all of the time...

SPOTTED DICK - THE BITCH! - FUCKING WELL SUCEEDED!

Chan's last boyfriend, Yoohan, old Spotty's lips had definitely come into contact with his, and, then, the more recent one, Jinwoo, the one sitting by the stairs, well, that was another issue. The first night Chan had met Jinwoo, old Spotty had also gone up to him - or, rather, skipped up to him like a Welsh pony on smack. Bitch. And, Jinwoo didn't seem to be aware what a slimy and syphilitic toad that Spotted Dick was.

The night before - Thursday night - had been a memorable one. Memorable enough to forget. Chan had been hanging out with his mates, and going down through the city when it had all begun.

Joshua had been the first to see it coming, the single head-light at trouser-snake-addenda height coming down the inner-city street. "I think we'll have a hozzie trip." Joshua tactfully and nearly imperceptibly murmured to Wonwoo who gave the smallest nod. Jinwoo's vespa motorcycle - original 1968 model - had been one of the first things they found out and approved of, concerning Jinwoo. And how many other twenty-something blokes in Seoul had a original Vespa in red and absolute mint condition?

Joshua and Wonwoo prepared themselves for possible having to support Chan down the street as all the blood stopped flowing around his body at the sight so he wouldn't crash into pregnant women or prams or the chairs outside the Italian restaurant that they were nearly certain was owned by Mafia crowd. 

Chan let out a strangled sort of "Hgnnnngh" at the sight of his boyfriend - well, sort of boyfriend, it wasn't quite official on the latter's part - Jinwoo's motorcycle going down the street with the unmistakeably spotty and anorexic anatomy of Spotted Dick on the back. 

It took several long moments of dead silence before Chan did his nut.

"What has that cock got that I haven't?!" He exclaimed to his mates and band of Spotted Dick. In the midst of Chan's slight breakdown and emotional turmoil, Mingyu excused himself, having just seen his midget girlfriend Millie and her old girl go into a kitchenware shop a few feet up the street.

"Terminal acne?" Joshua pointed out even though it was glaringly obvious.

"Syphilis in his arse." Vernon gave some more gravity.

"Mental illness." Wonwoo bluntly said.

Chan felt much better afterwards.

Until he passed out.

Joshua rushed inside to get Mingyu. "Hey, Millie." He smiled and waved at Mingyu's very tiny but sweet-natured woman, barely managing four foot nine in height in a aisle full of crockery and knives and forks. "Uh, Gyu, Chan's just lost it. We need to get out of here now before we attract the rozzers then the shit will really hit the fan."

Joshua re-stuck his being outside the doorway of the kitchenware shop and rushed over to where Chan looked sickly pale.

Mingyu came outside with Millie, and, the first thing she did was cackle a laugh at the sheer sight.

"What - what the fuck are you laughing at, Mills?!" Seungcheol exclaimed, holding up Chan by his arms, while Chan's body lay as dead weight between his legs on the footpath. "He hasn't fainted because he's a mincing prat, he's fainted 'cause he's got blood pressure issues -"

"INDUCED BY THAT INFECTED COCK THAT WENT PAST ON THE VESPA!" Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, and Seokmin pitched in to yell together. Chan stirred, but only very, very weakly.

"Shit, let's get him around to Nurse Gladys at number three." Vernon planned. Many stories had been heard of Nurse Gladys at number three over the years. She lived at number three - pretty obvious - in Vernon's street and was the light of Vernon's Dad's life. He was always constantly across the road, sexually harrassing her while Vernon's Mum was off been a bhuddist monk or something somewhere up in Gyreongsang and would happily stay up in the mountains forever except she had her grown-up - sort of grown-up - children to visit on the weekends.

And, like a coffin carried by funeral bearers, Chan, still well out of it, was held up in the air by Vernon, Mingyu, Joshua and Seungcheol with Wonwoo and Seokmin tagging behind in case they dropped Chan so Chan's head wouldn't get split open.

"He'll see you soon, sorry, Mills." Seokmin called over his shoulder, smiling kindly at Millie and hoping the tiny human being didn't get to offended or upset by the chaos in her midst.

With her handbag over her shoulder and her fattened Mother coming out to see what the hell was going on, Millie smiled and weakly waved at the procession going down the street.

With Chan held aloft their heads and attracting stares from everyone, they walked for five blocks to Vernon's street, and, then, it was Vernon's turn to start putting everyone's blood pressure up.

"What, you - why don't you knock at the door?!" Mingyu exlciamed at him, all of them having just shouldered Chan down so he was carried in Mingyu's arms like a groom carries a bride.

"It's late, trust me, this is easier." Vernon prattled on like he knew what he was doing, getting a hu-HUGE wooden ladder that looked like it was his great-grandad's from the side of the house and taking it around to the little garden and the front of the double-storey terrace. He climbed up it before knocking on the window. Wonwoo rushed over to hold the bottom of the ladder.

"OH, ALRIGHT, I'M COMING, I'M COMING, TRUST ME, LOVE, SHE WON'T HAVE THE BABY BEFORE I GET THERE!" A middle-aged woman's voice called out.

"Baby?" They all echoed up to Vernon.

"Oh, yeah...Nurse Gladys is a Nurse but she's technically a midwife." Vernon remarked down to them like it wasn't a issue at all.

"YOU MOOOOOOOROOOOOOOON!!!" Seungcheol blasted Vernon with the same force as the horn of a Mercedes Benz 600 Grosser, for all good Dictators and corrupt Policitians.

Suddenly, the curtains of the window where Vernon was at were swished open, and, the window was opened with a echoeing thump.

And Vernon's face momentarily disappeared into the melon-like breasts of Nurse Gladys, in a low cut pink nightie, her lily-patterned silk dressing hanging around her. She shrieked at finding her sort-of-boyfriend's eldest child in her chest.

"Oh, dear Lord, I'm so sorry, my love." She kissed the top of Vernon's head and securely did her dressing gown up, hiding away her melon-like breasts.

"Oo-er." Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol went.

"What do you think you're doing up here, you daft lad?" Nurse Gladys insisted down to Vernon. "Your bloody Father's just across the road there!" She pointed out of the window.

"No offence, Aunt Gladys -" Vernon began, but, he didn't get to finish.

"Wha-hey!" Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol went gleefully. Suddenly, none of them were too worried about the still unconcious Chan anymore.

"Aunt Gladys, eh, fucking hell, his Dad must really have the horn for her." Seokmin dug his elbow into Wonwoo's side.

"SHUT UP!" Vernon yelled down. "My mate's Chan is unconcious; he saw the most hated guy in the world on the back of his other mate's Vespa and he's been out of it for the last five blocks and a hundred disapproving stares."

Nurse Gladys considered him. "You woke me up at half ten at night when I work seventeen hour days for this?" She said. Vernon nodded cautiously.

"Good boy." She kissed the top of his head again, making another chorus of "Ooo!" from the guys make haste and told Vernon to get off the blood ladder before he broke his bloody neck and to wait a bloody minute while she opened the bloody door and then if they could bloody kindly put the bloody patient on the bloody table that would be bloody fine.

"Fuck, she swears a bit, eh?" Joshua said up to Vernon, quickly getting out of the way so his face didn't vanish into Vernon's arse like Vernon's face had vanished into Nurse Glady's melon-like breasts.

"We all swear." Vernon replied. He put the ladder away, and, miraculously, they all got into Nurse Gladys's house.

They laid Chan down on the kitchen table as she asked, and, Nurse Gladys checked his pulse.

"Has he been drinking?" The Nurse asked.

Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol shook their heads.

"Goodness me, he has had a rather nasty shock, has he, then, the poor love." Nurse Gladys sighed before slapping Chan across the face.

Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol's mouths fell open.

They would have done that but they all thought you weren't supposed to do that to unconcious peoples.

"Hello, my dear, you've come back around." Nurse Gladys smiled down at the horrified looking Chan who had a bright red mark on his cheek. "Get some strong whisky into him as soon as you can and then I suggest he has a very long sleep with no interruptions." She gave the measure of treatment directly to Vernon and bid them all goodnight.

"Where do we get whiskey from?" Mingyu said as they got outside. 

"I've got a range of Smirnoff at home." Wonwoo stated decidedly.

They all went around to Wonwoo's apartment that he rented just on his own whereas the rest of them rented with the other.

That had been Thursday night.

It was now Friday night, and, they were all back to bashing Stopped Dick.

"What a syphilitic cunt." Vernon let loose. "In Year 7 at high school he was sitting behind my sister Sofie and he started cutting her hair."

"And then had a massive sook when Sofie-baby in question turned around and smashed his face into the desk." Mingyu said. They were all quite fond of Vernon's sister Sofia, who, thankfully, hadn't taken up the shaven-head and Bhuddist path that their Mother had. She had been horrifically bullied in school because she was mix-raced, and, even though half-anglo Korean children were supposed to be the Chanel of all children, the other children didn't think like their societal mothers did and gave the mix-raced children hell. She had ended up dropping out of school at thirteen after been suspended over the hair-cutting incident and had worked as a model and photographic artist ever since.

"And she was the one that got suspended, not that faggot." Wonwoo lit up a cigarette.

"And the day he went around the tennis courts saying that you gave someone else an STD." Vernon pointed over to Joshua. Vernon really, really hated Spotted Dick. It literally gave him energy, and, it almost unnerved Chan to see someone who hated Richard Khoo just as much as him, or, if possible, even more. The STD thing had been a nightmare. Joshua's Dad had turned up at the School, dragged Joshua out of the Year 9 maths class and had smacked him so hard he had two black eyes. 

"And then when we go to bash the cunt we have the police turn up out our house after he runs into the Princple's office crying and saying we're trying to hurt him." Mingyu scowled darkly.

Jinwoo was suddenly looking very uncomfortable by the stairs. Chan went in for the kill. He did mind very much if Spotted Dick was the reason another of his relationships ended, but, if Jinwoo was going to behave like this with Spotted Dick, Chan couldn't give a fuck.

"And I just love how he goes around stealing everyone elses dates, and them been retarded enough to think that that syphilitc sub-human cunt is better than me." Chan said, just going on as though he was having a conversation with his mates.

Jinwoo abruptly left, slamming the door to the back rooms behind him.

"Fuck it." Wonwoo put out his cigarette, only half smoked. "Let's play Antichrist and see what happens."

Chan grinned broadly.

As they went out, Seungcheol put an arm around him.

"Sorry, Channie." He said, and he meant it sincerely.

When they got up to play the second half of their gig at the club, the audience went mental. Chan was quite pleased, despite himself, to see heaps of girls twittering and dancing about right up the front of the stage, and, how full the club was. It was absolutely packed.

Thinsg'll be right, a voice that sounded a bit like his Grandad's echoed in Chan's. Things gotta be right otherwise they're fucked, eh, lad?

They played Antichrist, and, through the song and after it, they all looked at each other in amazement.

The song was an absolute smash.

"THE LOVE ON YOUR CONSIENCE HURTS SO HARD!" The crowd sung out the one echoeing line as Joshua and Vernon did their perfectly tuned and synced guitar riffs together at the last forty seconds of what they had as Antichrist. "AND HOW I WANT TO BE YOUR ONE AND ONLY CHOICE!" Mingyu played the drums as good as he ever did, no one comparing to him, Wonwoo sat on the bass drum of Mingyu's kit playing the bass guitar, Chan grinned at the sight of Seokmin bashing his electric keyboard to within an inch of it's life while Seungcheol controlled the synth, and, as his sid eposition as rapper for some of their songs, kept up the echoeing calls:

"THE LOVE ON YOUR CONSIENCE HURTS SO HARD! AND HOW I WANT TO BE YOUR ONE AND ONLY CHOICE! THE LOVE ON YOUR CONSIENCE HURTS SO HARD! AND HOW I WANT TO BE YOUR ONE AND ONLY CHOICE!"

Don't worry about him, mate, Chan's Grandad's voice talked to him in the back of his head. None of the wankers know what they're missing. If they think some git like that spotted boy is more than you, well, fuck them and let them suffer for not knowing better

Miss you, Grandad, Chan thought back to his Grandad. It's not the same since you died

I know, lad. I know

"And that guys is a wrap!" Chan called out to the audience packed to the roof of the club, to be met with mind-numbing applause and screams and shouts, the bright flashes of cameras taking photographs and the smaller, dimmer red lights filming from iphones filling up the space. 

As they pakced up in the back rooms to go back to Wonwoo's for the second night in a row to raid his Vodka collection in the back of Joshua's Kombi van, Chan felt a hand on his shoulder, and, somehow without actually knowing, he knew it wasn't one of the guys.

He looked around to see a exceptionally pretty and thing man in longish black hair, softly curved eyes and a nice mouth.

"Your music is so good." He said. "Call me." The man winked and went away.

Chan looked down to the piece of paper that was just given to him.

Yoon Jeonghan

There was a phone number written beneath.

Chan thought his Grandad really had been right for all the ninety-five years of his life.

Nothing ever didn't work out because otherwise it's just fucked, right?

Chan said to the guys about in the back of Joshua's Kombi. So much interest did this spark that Joshua pulled over the side of the road, and made Mingyu switch places with him to drive so he could get in the back with the rest of the band and sticky-beak with Chan.

Joshua and Vernon both grinned broadly at each other before looking to Chan.

"What, what is it?" He said nervously.

"That is one sexy kitty-kat." Joshua wolf-whislted.

"One BAD sexy kitty-kat." Vernon and Joshua looked at each other again before nearly pissing themselves laughing.

"What the fuck are you two on about?" Chan asked in sync with Seungcheol, Mingyu, Wonwoo and Seokmin.

"Do you remember when somebody painted in huge black letters in every hallway of high school "WAN JUNHO IS A SHIT OF THE FIRST AND FOREMOST DEGREE"?"

They all laughed. Wan Junho had been the principle of their high-school. "Yeah?" Chan, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seokmin and Seungcheol went.

"It's was Jeonghan." Joshua waved the piece of paper with Jeonghan's number and name on it at Chan.

Everyone cackled merrily until they got to Wonwoo's house.

"You've so got to go out with him and then tell us everything." Joshua pretty much decided for Vernon. "I want to know what he's doing."

Suddenly, something made Chan stop dead-centre in Wonwoo's hallway. 

"You." Chan pointed at Joshua. Everyone looked. Chan wasn't the sort to usually burst out into a sudden and unexplained duffing-up incident, but, one never knew.

"Didn't you know him?" Chan said.

Something flashed over Joshua's face, but, it soon disappeared.

"Nah, I was always getting dragged around by you heathens." Joshua grinned.

The following week, a Sunday, Chan met up with Jeonghan. Unbeknownst to him, he was getting spied on by Vernon, Wonwoo, Joshua, Seokmin, and Seungcheol with the exception of Mingyu who was out seeing his midget girlfriend, Millie. "There's no way we can't not interfere." Had eventually been the top-most decision. And, so, at ten 'o' clock on a Sunday morning, five young men were behaving like twats. They were all sitting in the back of Joshua's Kombi with a set of binoculars aimed to the end of the street where they had figured that Chan was meeting Jeonghan; something to do with where Jeonghan worked or something else.

"What does the sexy kitty-kat look like now?" Seokmin asked Joshua and Vernon, appearing to think that they had an idea. That had become their term for Jeonghan now. It was sort of taking the piss but it was also in good humor. They had names for everyone; Richard Khoo was Spotted Dick, all of their ex's were put into a group known collectively as "The Sods", their school princple M. Wan had been "Sir Of The Chins/Sir Of The Wobble/Fat Cunt" because he was rather on the portly side, and, the school nurse had been known as "Dietrich" after Marlene Dietrich, because everyone was sure she was a part-time lesbian as well as a part-time school nurse, and, definitely had ambitions to retire to a lesbian monastery whe she was even older than she already was. Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol looked imperiously at Joshua. Vernon did so too. It was starting to become obvious that Joshua - despite his intentions for not a scrap of it to get out - was more familiar with this bloke Jeonghan than the rest of them were.

"Doesn't matter, just look out for Chan and whoever goes off with Chan." Joshua tried his best to avoid any further scrutiny.

"What if it's the wrong one?" Mingyu said.

"Oh, don't be stupid." Joshua rolled his eyes. "It's ok, Chan knows what Hannie looks like, remember?"

"Hannie?" Four voices echoed all around.

Joshua flushed to the tips of his ears.

"You want to tell me something or are you worried the devil's goanna get you?" Seungcheol remarked to him.

Fuck off, Joshua mouthed directly at Seungcheol.

"Mission alert! Mission alert!" Vernon exclaimed. "Thou Jeonghan with the scathing humor who Joshy may or may not have had the hots for - but probably did - has landed with out poor little maknae!"

Joshua nearly did his nut. "Vernon, get a grip, this isn't "The Eagle Has Landed"." Joshua hissed.

"Yeah, well I didn't look at you and think, coo-wee, we've got Donald Sutherland in town today, ladies and gents." Vernon raised one of his eyebrows while everyone else cackled.

Joshua was stunned at how much relief one could get by shoving the annoying person in your life out of the boot of one's kombi and onto the footpath.

"You moron, we're going to get caught!" Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol hissed in varying states between Joshua and Vernon; Mingyu and Seungcheol tugged Vernon back into the boot of the Kombi. By this point in time, they had lost sight of Chan and Jeonghan.

But only temporary.

"They always say about homosexualists not blending in with the crowd but these two have." Seokmin peered through the binoculars.

"Chan's not a total homosexualist, he's half a homosexualist." Wonwoo reminded him.

"Well, Jeonghan's a total homosexualist, isn't he, Josh?" Vernon put to Josh, not yet forgiving him for shoving him out the back of a Kombi.

"No, it's...why the fuck do you keep asking me?" Joshua spluttered uncomfortably.

"Ooo, swear-ing." Seokmin teased Joshua.

"SHUT UP!" Joshua was very, very red in the face by now.

"Hey, hey, hey, all of you, I've spotted them." Mingyu got the binoculars back off Seokmin.

"What are they doing?" Wonwoo asked.

"Standing outside and just talking." Mingyu shrugged.

"Really? Christ, anything less boring?" Seokmin rolled his eyes.

"Oh, shh, leave it." Wonwoo nudged Seokmin.

"No, no, wait, they're walking off!" Mingyu said.

"Wait til they go around the block and we'll drive -" Vernon attempted to plan but Seokmin cut in.

"What if they go into a cafe or something?" Seokmin asked.

"Well, they go into a cafe, then." Vernon shrugged.

"We might not be able to get a park, either, if we leave this one." Joshua put in sensibly. "There's heaps of tourists everywhere with heaps of cars."

"Let's walk down, then." Vernon shrugged.

"Don't be stupid, we can't be loitering." Joshua said. "We'll get noticed or we'll get harrassed, or, worse, it's weekend in a local area - we'll bump into Spotted Dick or one of his loser mates, and, honestly, if I see him I can't not put him arse-first into a bin, or, we'll see one of our ex's, or, THE DAD'S OF OUR EX'S."

They all swallowed fearfully. Yeah, bumping into someone's Dad wasn't an option. Not a hope in hell.

They'd be slaughtered.

Or have their testicles put in a vice in someone's garden shed and then have the garden shed set on fire.

"Who can be mature and sensible and behave themselves?" Seungcheol looked around the van.

Answer?

None of them.

"Well, you know him, come on." Seungcheol climbed out of the Kombi, gesturing to Joshua.

Suddenly, everyone looked at Joshua as suddenly, he didn't seem very good at all.

They all looked at each other. They'd pushed it too far, now, they'd upset him.

"Josh?" Wonwoo asked, pulling gently at Joshua's sleeve. Joshua looked down to the floor of the Kombi.

"Oh, fuck off." He mumbled, and, he climbed out the van with Seungcheol. "We'll text." He said, but, the guys barely caught it.

Meanwhile, down the street...

"I think they're spying on us." Jeonghan chucked his chin, looking over Chan's head to the unmistakeable silver-coloured kombi parked up the top of the street with a couple of people in the back. Jeonghan chuckled at the look of disbelief on Chan's face. "Oh, this is goanna be great."

"I'm goanna snot them, nothing about it." Chan couldn't believe how his mates were carrying on.

"Shh, no, don't do that." Jeonghan pulled Chan by his wrist, pulling him back from storming up the street. "Let's have fun." They began to walk down the street. "Tell me about you?" Jeonghan put to Chan. 

"Uh...well, as you know, I do my music..." Chan chuckled nervously, trying to get his thoughts together.

"How long have you had your band?" Jeonghan took a much better hold of the conversation.

"Since I was sixteen." Chan said. "So, four years now. Nearly five." Until Jeonghan said about it, Chan hadn't really thought about it. "Shit, it's a long time now..."

"That last song you played where everyone was singing at the end, that was really good."

"We thought that might get us thrown out, actually."

"You didn't play this week."

"Where booked out Friday, Saturday and Sunday next week." Chan explained. "And we had some other sorts of interest; business related."

Jeonghan hummed appreciatevly. "Good luck with that."

Chan wondered if he was going to shoot himself in the foot if he asked Jeonghan about Joshua.

What does it matter? His Grandad's voice floated around his head. I wouldn't do it, lad. It doesn't matter at all.

Have fun.

Enjoy life.

Enjoy time with this young man...who could do with a hair-cut

Chan smiled. "How much of a headache did we give you?" He asked. Jeonghan laughed.

"Nope, pretty good actually." Jeonghan answered. "Either that or I had so much Smirnoff it numbed my brain."

Chan stopped walking down the street at Jeonghan words. He pulled out his phone.

"You've just given me an idea..." He typed in a note on an app in his phone.

"Want to grab a coffee?" Jeonghan asked him.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds grand." Chan said quickly.

Bless your heart, Chan thought, feeling distinctly like his Grandad for some reason as she still shouldered opened the door of a cafe opened for Jeonghan even though he was typing on his phone. You've made my life

"And we'd begin it off with a fucked-with girl choir chorus..." Chan mumbled.

"Sorry, what?" Jeonghan asked.

Chan blushed. He smiled at Jeonghan. "Sorry, sorry, I'm being so stupid now." He put his phone away and settled down to spend time with Jeonghan.

Well, that was the plan at least until he saw Seungcheol and Joshua's heads bob past the huge windows at the front of the cafe. Chan's mouth set in a straight, grim line. Jeonghan beamed. 

"You're really not impressed are you?"

Chan rolled his eyes. "Sorry, I'm making a mess of this." He apologised, gesturing around. 

"What are your dates usually like?" Jeonghan crossed his forearms and leant his elbows against the edge of their table. The cafe was packed with tourists that created a comforting, deafening ding of chatter and company. It helped block out any anxiety for Chan. And, because it was so busy, no one had interrupted them yet to ask if they wanted anything.

"I'd usually either call them or go around to their house to see them." Chan thought he most as well be honest. He didn't feel like skimming over things he usually did. He hated to say it, but, he was getting guilty from how he virtually put down Jinwoo in front of his mates last week at the gig they had in town, but, screw him. What's he doing out with other guys, anyway? A guy so spotty and shit-like, how was he even a guy, and not just infection splattered over the ground. "They have a heart attack and fuss around about their parents, grandparents, or siblings coming out to have a word with me. We usually just walk around, nothing much, all simple." Chan smiled slightly. "Or, they'd just come to the gigs we did...sorry, never really give a thought to all this stuff before."

"That's alright." Jeonghan chuckled again. "They're looking in now."

The cafe was so packed that Chan could stick his head up and have a good look at what Seungcheol and Joshua were doing.

All the while, back outside, Seungcheol was wondering if they should just go home.

"I can't see them." He complained to Joshua. Joshua didn't say anything. Seungcheol knew Joshua could probably see them but wasn't saying anything. That'd be right. 

"The gigs coming up this week -"

"Yeah?"

"A guy from a record company is coming; he wants to see us act live."

"When the fuck did this happen and how do you -"

"Just shut up before I deck you, yeah?" Joshua looked at him. He tugged Seungcheol away by his elbow from the window of the cafe. "So can we all concertrate towards that and not been silly like this?"

"You know you can just say right."

"What are you on about?"

"What's going on with you and Jeonghan."

"Fucking nothing." Seungcheol stopped. Joshua had just growled at him. Actually growled at him. Oh. Oh shit. He was really angry. So much so that he stormed back up the street, turfed Vernon, Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Seokmin from his Kombi, and drove away sternly, and not in the direction of his place.

Back down the street, Chan was stunned. He really had a nice time, and, he didn't feel embarrassed been in a more chick style cafe with another guy no less - so it was obvious - than he thought he would be. Afterwards, Jeonghan did Chan's usual date of just walking round, spending time together. But, Jeonghan's idea of a walk took them into the local gardens. Even though there was heaps and heaps of tourists, they were practically spilling out of your ears, it wasn't suffocating and city-like. Jeonghan and Chan flopped down on a section of grass together beneath the huge old Elm trees from where the park was more botanical garden rather than child playground.

"Nice weather." Jeonghan said, closing his eyes. Chan took time to gaze down at Jeonghan, leaning up on his elbows. Chan startled slightly when Jeonghan's head suddenly tipped weightlessly to the side. Jeonghan's eyes didn't open again for a few more long, drawn out moments.

Phwoar, Chan thought. Maybe the guys weren't taking the piss so much in the irreverent sense when they said Jeonghan was sexy and he was a hip cat (joys of Asians trying to adopt the much sought after British classicism and expressionism aesthetic since the late 1800's). 

Jeonghan sort of smiled up at him. "If you want to kiss me why don't you just do it, then?"

"We've really caused a problem with the sexy kitty-kat thing, haven't we?" Seokmin commented to Mingyu, they and the rest of the guys walking home.

"You know the worst thing?" Wonwoo diagnosed after a while.

"What?" Seungcheol looked at him.

"What if Jeonghan really likes Chan, or Chan really likes Jeonghan -" Wonwoo was cut off by Vernon.

"Or, even worse -" Vernon cottoned on to what Wonwoo was on about, and, therefore, he joined Wonwoo in the last sentence:

"They both really like each other?"

The end of the week came around quicker than any of them could expect, and, in doing that, well, every life had plenty of chaos in it, didn't it?

Chan raced high hell and water to produce the song that he had thought up whilst been out with Jeonghan.

"What do you mean randomly ask chicks if they want to come and provide a backing vocal?!!!" Joshua's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull as Chan's proposition.

"I don't mean any girls." Chan scoffed. "Chicks out of the choir at your Mum and Dad's church. Much as I'd like to be without Christian involvement, one of my electric guitars is a presented bible-basher -"

"CHRISTENED!" Joshua shrieked as everyone nearly pissed themselves laughing. It wasn't just the guys there today. Wonwoo's enormous house that he rented had a huge enclosed greenhouse conservatory space which they used as a practice studio of all things, and, that day, Mingyu's girlfriend Millie and her best friend Jiyoung were there, plus Vernon's sister Sofia, and Wonwoo's Mum. "Fucking christened - what the cock do you mean "presented?" He slapped Chan around the head and then chased him out into Wonwoo's back garden. Wonwoo's Mum watched on all the while and cracked everyone up again by saying, "And considering Christians always assert themselves as the master race collectively, they don't look much in control, do they?"

"He's not that Christian, Mum." Wonwoo told her. "We sort of take the piss out of him."

A huge crash went through the air.

Chan was sitting up in one of the peppercorn trees in the back garden and Joshua empty clay plant pots up at him, calling him everything under the sun.

"STOP - BEING - SO - FUCKING - DUMB - YOU - USELESS - BISEXUAL - PIECE - OF - FUCKING - USELESS - SHIT!!!" Each word was a pot thrown. After just one sentence, there were no pots left so Joshua just roared and left Wonwoo's place.

Chan knew Joshua well enough to know that even though he was pissed off, he was going around to the Church to see if he could bribe some of the Church chicks - and they had to be pretty church chicks - to perform with them at the gigs on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights.

The whole band also drilled into Chan to not - whatsoever - go into the "Incredible Hulk Having A Hissy-Fit" mode if Spotted Dick turned up at one of the weekend gigs and started trying to carry on with Jeonghan who may or may not be there but most likely was going to be there. Chan hoped Jeonghan was there. Nearly everyone else hoped Jeonghan was there so Chan didn't get into a bad mood.

Joshua kinda wished Jeonghan was dead, but, no one knew that bar him.

Finally, the night the Saturday night gig came around, it was the night that the record producer was there. They found out how he came about.

Churchy-type folk did special favours for other Church-type folk.

"That's pretty bent when you think about it." Mingyu commented when Joshua wasn't around. "Like religious....religious..."

"Nepotism?" Wonwoo suggested, tuning his guitar.

"Yeah, that's the word." Mingyu nodded.

"We just need it to be really full tonight." Seokmin said. "And hope people aren't coming out for live music and a night out to just have the one band all the time."

"Oh, jesus, don't say that you'll get us jinxed." Vernon warned Seokmin.

"Where the fuck is Chan?" Wonwoo lit up a smoke.

Chan was outside up the side alley, talking to Jeonghan on his phone. He was postively pissing himself with delight.

"Yoon Jeonghan, I fucking love you!" He practically sung before practically skipping like a faerie on smack into the back rooms of one of the new clubs they were playing at. He cackled as Jeonghan told him it was all in a days work and if Chan wanted to see him at the intermission, just drop him a text.

Ooo.

Been in a relationship with a jammy-looking dude without the worry of the lurking Spotted Dick was beyond utter fucking bliss, Chan swore to God and to his Grandpa who he hoped was up there somewhere.

"I've gotta tell you." Chan beamed brightly at his band.

There was only fifteen minutes before the gig, it just having gone quart. to ten. Apparently the club was absolutely packed - THANK FUCKING CHRIST - and, the Spotted Dick had slimed up to Jeonghan and had been flirting with him.

"...and Hannie told the infected cock to fuck off." Chan told the guys happily.

Everyone cheered and rushed over to practically rugby tackle Chan.

"Tonight is fucking brilliant, then!" Vernon shouted. "The Gods have given us a sign!"

"Your Mother praying to the devil, more like." Joshua said. He was soon put back into his place by Vernon smacking him across the cock and making Seungcheol have a fit of hyserical laughter so bad that Seokmin offered to throw a bucket of cold water over him to wake him fucking up.

Finally, it was time to play, and, Chan didn't bother searching out for the representative from the record company in the crowd. He wasn't important for that evening; what they had to do was do as they always did, as they wanted to. Chan counted on everything. Including as they come out, the crowd calling out their names. The joys of mildly rural living was that there was always one familiar face; someone you went to school with, one of the kids from one of the houses down the road from where you used to live three or four years ago before you moved out, someone you now worked with or your girlfriend/boyfriend worked with.

The joys of social media, and people spreading shit around on social media.

And, so, it come.

"CHAN! VERNON!" Chan got the giggles as some shouted out "Vernona!" instead, just to have a joke. "WONWOO! JOSHY!" Chan knew that Joshua would be as livid as a livid thing later on. He HATED people calling him Joshy; ever since it was found out that in the Anglo-world, any Joshua's were universally called Joshy but anyone and everyone, everyone had done it to Joshua, and he absolutely LOATHED it. "MINGYU! SEOKMIN! S. COUPS!" Chan thought it was actually a good thing that the crowd used Seungcheol's rappers name with the representative from the record company there rather than his given birth name. 

"Hel-lo, ladies and germs." Chan grinned down at the crowd and surveyed around in a sweeping gaze, his eyes falling to the right side of the club where Jeonghan was leaning against a table with a beer. God, he looked so good. He was wearing black jeans and a dark green button up shirt with a few buttons un-done at the top, the sleeves rolled up, and, his dark hair pulled from his face and tucked behind his ear on one side, the other side of his hair falling loosely and naturally over his scalp and face. The crowd cooed and cheered, waving drinks and hands and phones in the air. Chan didn't see the Spotted Dick, but, he knew the twerp was in there somewhere, quite literally a pulsating boil on two legs. 

Chan specifically did the next thing for two reasons; Jeonghan looking as hot as he was was making Chan's heart weak and his cock leak, and, he wanted to stab into the Spotted Dick one more time.

"Bad sexy kitty-kat." Chan winked at Jeonghan. Jeonghan went bright red, every guy in the room goosegogged him, and, every girl got her chest and brain ripped open.

Then everyone went absolutely fucking mental.

And Joshua swung his guitar at Chan's head.

"LET'S GO!!!" Chan shouted out to the crowd, and, Mingyu kindly started up the drums, Joshua, Vernon and Wonwoo got with it with their guitars and for non-violent purposes, and Seokmin and Seungcheol began to work their keyboards and synth-boards.

So came the first song of the evening. Then the second, then the third...

In the end, they did thirteen songs, and, none of them were tired. None of them were wearing down, getting headaches, getting sore throats, sore chests, sore hands.

They were going fucking wild. 


End file.
